Last night I dreamed of my high school friend Christy. In the dream, We were both in our small home town, and she had just had a baby. It seemed that she and her husband were getting a divorce. It was so sad for her, and it really sent me backwards thinking about old times and high school. I started to play around with music and found about 20 songs that meant everything to me at one time or another. Its funny how a song can bring you back not to just a time in your life, but almost to a single moment.
I remember sitting in the truck with Deena and our dates. We had been to Bennigans with Scott and Harry, and I went in to tell my mom we were going to hang in the yard, and "Broken Wing" was playing on the radio as I got out..
Oddly, The Pet Shop Boy's song "West End Girls" was popular just about the time my group of friends went to Europe just before graduation.
It was the summer after I graduated from high school, and I was a girl scout counselor. I met Wally there, and became great friends. Stevie Nicks, "Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You"
was popular then.
That same summer, I realized that although I thought I was fabulous, there was a boy who simply would not and could not be the man of my dreams. We listened to Double's "Captain of Her Heart" on the way back from Ft. Myers. It was an awful weekend and I let a lot of my heart go driving in the early morning.
I remember sitting on the floor of our suite in college, and we were visiting with Heather's friend Cybelle Petus... "Life in a Northern Town" played in the background. Some songs give me a little ache in my stomach, knowing how much regret around those times. And GOD knows I heard Luka and every other Suzanne Vega song. My roommate Cory lived on the woman.
It's funny that most of these Historical songs put that regretful ache in my stomach. I know I am where I should be at the exact moment I should be here, but somehow there is still something that I look back on with a bit of sadness. I know what hurts about high school. I know my mishaps in college set me back. But what if those things had never happened. Would I be somewhere else? Did I have a dream way back then, that I might have followed through with had I not been such a spoiled 80's ME ME ME kind of girl?
I feel like I know where my heart is pushing me, I feel like I have done my best to right the wrongs I have done until now, but where is this sense of loss coming from tonight?
Tomorrow, friends, I will figure that out when I haven't spent two hours listening to old songs...
Take a listen to some of the song from my playlist. Maybe one or two will take you back.