Tuesday, December 30, 2008

End of the Year Wrap Up....

Watching this year come to a close is bittersweet. As a family, the girls and I struggled so hard to get it together. We did a whole lot of crying, fussing, and separating. I spent a lot of nights praying that this whole parenting thing would get easier. Praying that somehow the feeling of slight regret would fade, and that the same effortless love I felt for Anna would wash over me for AugustRose.
What's actually happened is we have become slower in our bonding, and I have stopped trying to force AugustRose to be her sister. I have fallen in love with AugustRose differently. She is such a spitfire, and doesn't need me as much as Anna. I have stopped taking that as a slight against me, and accepted the she will need me differently.
It's also a bittersweet time, since I am finished adopting children. That door is closed by choice. I am not in the contemplating stage, not in the dossier prepping stage, not in the waiting stage, not in the between trips stage, nor the waiting for court stage. I have been in that process for several years straight and although I loathed most of that, I was thoroughly filled by all of those stages.
Now that I am in the living stage, I have to remember what it is like to not be waiting for someone. That has been easier lately, but letting it all go is taking much longer than I expected. I share that same feeling with Missi so we get to talk about it a lot.
Anna has really become her old self in kindergarten. She won outstanding kindergarten student for the first quarter, done beautifully on all of her tests, and is reading. Every day she picks up more and more. Anna has so many gifts. She has become a wonderful big sister, full of patience and love for her little.
As I posted earlier, my job is giving me the worst of it. I won't bore anyone with this...Let's just say I need to find another teaching position. I would love to teach in Moscow or St. Petersburg, but I think that with the current US/Russian climate, I am not sure it's the best idea.

More realistically, I wish like crazy I could move down to Stafford to be closer to my GodChildren and Missi and Dave. They are like family to my girls.(Me too!) Since we don't have cousins, I tell Anna they are like adopted cousins. She gets it!
The main thing that has happened is I am finally getting a hold of my house. After a little over a year of AugustRose being home, I FINALLY GOT THEIR ROOM CLEAN!
Here is the newest set up without AugustRose's crib. She has been in a big girl bed for quite a while now!

I got these two paintings on the street in Moscow. I had them framed for the girls. They love them. They are both such happy winter scenes.

But the best part of the end of the year clean up is not something I cleaned and put away, it is something we added! A stage.

Dadushka built it for his girls and this should have been the only thing they got for Christmas. I can hear them dancing and singing all of the time. Lately Anna, Kit, Dora, and her magical Pegasus have been presenting a small revue for AugustRose!

You can't tell but the lights look very Old School Vegas. It is very fun. We are in the process of putting a different mirror on the wall. I got a set from Ikea, but for now, the old dresser mirror works!

I usually only half heartedly make New Year's Resolutions. Normally I swear I will diet, stop smoking, drink less diet coke, and within an hour of waking up on January 1st, I have done all of the above. But this year feels different. I am going to do some things.

Resolutions for 2009

  1. Recycle cans of diet coke.
  2. Lose some weight.
  3. Wake up at least 3 days a week with the Word.
  4. Read the Bible at least 3 nights per week.
  5. Get myself back on track financially
  6. Tell my parents "I love you", at the end of every single phone call.
  7. Let: Lee, Missi, Lauralee, Constance, Jenny, and Bernadette know how much I love them all! Sort of like a secret pal kind of thing.
  8. Take my children somewhere new and fun once a month. January will be to a swim meet with Missi!
  9. Clean my car.
  10. Keep praying for a direction to go...employment wise.

Happy New Year everyone. I wish you all tons of kisses from your babies, hugs from your honeys, and peace in your heart!


Annie said...

What a wonderful post. I know what you mean about the "post adoption blues" from the bottom of my heart....and not at all the blues that have anything at all to do with the children you HAVE - only the loss of that most wonderful thing in life - SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO. I have realized that I am an "anticipation" person. I love the process as much if not more than the product (obviously not with my children, but with things like preparing their rooms...)

Speaking of which - theirs is adorable and I love the pictures. I have some Russian prints that I aim to get framed....but there we are - am looking forward to that!

Jojo, Julz, Jules said...

I wish I would have gotten more artwork from Russia. It gives me such a warm fuzzy when I look at it!