Monday, February 09, 2009

A Few Tears for What Coulda Been

I heard from the principal in St. Petersburg. He has already hired two teachers for the positions that were available. He wished me well.
For some reason, this made me cry just a bit. My dream to go back to Russia has always been based on getting a legitimate job. After researching the internet for 2 years, I only felt confident in AAS.
My intention was purely selfish and selfless. I wanted my girls to know that their mommy loves their home country enough to give them just a bit more time there. Time with a family and time where they were loved.
Now that this is really over, I am so let down. Somehow I feel unrealisticly rejected. The selfish part of me wanted to get away from students whose parents don't seem to care, get away from a job with no raise or step increase. The selfish part of me wanted to hear the language and remember the culture. To hear the sound the snow makes when its stepped on for the 1000th time.
God closes doors for a reason. I get it. But today, I realize that I wanted That door to be open.
I will have to do some serious praying tonight. Tonight, I don't want to look for the window,
tonight I am gonna shed "a few tears for what could been..."

5 comments:

Annie said...

Gosh; I am so sorry! But, there ARE new opportunities all the time! Another year, when your mom is 100% and the girls are older might be even better.

I do hear your frustration with your present job, though, and can empathize. It would have been a double-blessing - escape from the present situation and into a brilliant new one with problems but totally new and different ones!

I'm so sorry for your disappointment, but I just have the feeling that it is only for now.

Jen Stevens said...

Well crud! I know how much your heart's desire was to have this opportunity.
Praying for a new opportunity.

Jojo, Julz, Jules said...

Thanks gals.
I feel sad. I know it was a little far reaching since my mother is scheduled for 3 more surgeries and wouldn't be finished in time to go over. AND MY DAD, Lordy he would have to move there too. He was with us during moms surgery, and he calls everyday now, all weepy since he hasn't seen the girls in a week. Can you imagine if I took his grangirls away for a year, possibly two??
I am still sad.
Some dreams were meant to be just that, dreams...
BUT our other little project is still moving along...And that can give me hope!!
Thanks for checking on me!
Love you girls!
julianne

kate said...

{{{{BIG hugs!}}}

Maybe it's not a no. Maybe it's just a "not now".

MoscowMom said...

Hey!!! I just emailed you that I might have a different job for you here... Email me back!!!!!! Oh, I had no idea this had happened to you with the AAS and maybe it really is a sign from God that this was meant to be for you!!!