How do I say everything I want to say without sounding like the slow kid who is always last to get picked for the team, or the one who doesn't get picked...Hmmm? Today I am that kid. Maybe I am just a bit too sensitive.
Those who have read this, and those who know me in my real life know that my job has SUCKED this year. In 18 years of teaching, this is the absolute worst. Parents, unresponsive. Students, ill prepared.
I have literally been told by one of my parents that he would NOT DO ANY homework, No Way!
Great, same guy has yelled at pretty much every staff member at my school, and told me I was too aggressive. Why? Because when his children were late for the 17th time in a grading period, I told him they had to work on getting the kids to school on time. How dare I?
Anyway, my school will be starting later next year, and I will be on the road at prime rush hour making my normal 30 minute commute, a 1 hour commute. This means all after school activities that my girls will do, will be dealt with by my mother, who does not really want to be on the roads after a long day...
So needless to say, I am hugely bummed. And I am also at the place I was ten years ago. Single and really burned out, I walked into my principals office and resigned for the next year. I had no job lined up for September. I knew that my mental health was more important than any job! I have two children now, I can't do that anymore...
Teaching is so different than other jobs. You can't call in, and let your work wait. You have to prepare a plan so another person can do your work. You can't be late for an important appointment, because it would be sacrilege to make a parent wait... We are always on. There is no sit at the Internet and let your mind wander. It is go, go, go. Sadly we are expected to do much more with WAY less. I honestly have children who cannot toilet on their own. I have children who have no idea how to recognize their own name when written down. But by June, those children should be able to read and write, add and subtract...So given all of that PLUS we are not getting any sort of raise, NOT ONE DOLLAR, I am very upset. My insurance is going up, my union dues are on the rise, so my salary should be less next year.
So I have been looking into the Russian private schools. I had a nice round of emails from the school in St. Petersburg, but they went with teachers with international experience...(Kind of joke considering the population I teach, I could not be more of an ESL teacher if I tried)
Then I saw that Moscow had current openings. I emailed the Elementary School Director who in several lines pretty much told me because I have 2 dependents he wouldn't even consider me..But "Thanks and Good Luck."
So I am guessing that every teacher there with a child is married to another teacher. But if they have a 2nd child do they get fired? Whatever. They really don't get it. I am not looking for a job at their school just to go, I am trying to bring my girls on an adventure. I am trying to give them a life that is somewhat different from the norm. I realize they think we are complex. But really, who ain't? I am trying to reinvigorate my career with a change in venue. I am on fire about the whole thing. I don't do well with rejection even when given a chance, but to be clipped at the knees without so much as an interview is painful. Oh, I should add that the interview team will be about 3 miles from my house in June, and I got a "thanks but no thanks."
Single no dependants = more qualified, better equipped, I think not.
I also had an expat approach me about a possible opening for an elementary English teacher in a Russian school. I sent my resume, and was told to look for an email from that director. Weeks go by, and nothing. Email the expat who feels terrible, and lets me know that should be emailing later on, and nothing...That was several months ago, something tells me I won't be hearing from that school at all...If I have learned anything in this life, it is to fight for what you believe in. Unfortunately, I am not sure what I believe in right now. I honestly thought I would be an asset to a Russian school. Maybe I over value my experience.
I try to stay connected to those who are traveling or in the adoption process, but don't seem to be truly connected and trusted through this vast blogger land and that saddens me deeply. I understand that it is scary to share...I guess that is why Missi and I are so close. We needed each other so much back then, now we just dig each other's lives and families...I wish it were that way with more.I think I may take a Russia break. I thought this was what we were destined to do, but maybe not. Maybe visiting through SOAR will fill that empty cup...
Lastly, I hope anyone who reads this blog understands this whole Russia thing isn't just a job or a location for me. It is so much more. My love for the place that my girls were born is deep and wide. I am lost for words to even explain how left out I feel by not getting a chance to explain that to people who do only think of it as the city where they work.