Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I Am A Mother

I was in court five years ago, becoming a mother through the magical, mystical, wonderfully painful, delightfully delicious process of adoption.

I had already met my BFF Martha, who was cheering me on from Virginia. I had met my yahoo friends Hillary and Jordy, and the Gurta family and my father had all but lost his mind to his love for my dear sweet Anna.

Anna Vladimirovna Solovyova, who she will be when I remember her before she was mine, my dear sweet girl. The child who will sit firmly in my heart as

the first.

I am a bit misty today. I went to Anni's Open House to hear about her class, and how things are done this year. I can almost not believe how time has moved on. I actually teared up again in her tiny little chair. Her teacher made a comment about wanting the class to behave like a family. She went on to say she would stand up for her students, and then she said, "I will fight for your children." And like the big ole sap that I am, that made me cry..
Why am I still doing that? Why do I feel a slight bit more greatful about other people loving on, and standing up for my girlz? Maybe every mother tears up like a fool everytime something soft and smooshy comes up.
I think I am misty on one hand, that I can't adopt again, and it be just like it was with Anni. I am sad that it was so good in Khabarovsk, and I am not sure it is like that now. Now that I have two, and it is all starting to settle in, I would love a 3rd. I can do the day to day thing, but the upfront costs associated with adoption is OUT OF THE QUESTION...
On the other hand, I am misty at the blessings that God has given me. I never knew love like the love a mother has for a child. I thought I loved my family, but this is way different. This is the,
I will tear the world apart, to protect my girlz kind of love.

I wish I was a millionaire. I would NEVER buy a fancy car. I would NEVER quit my job. I would never travel in different social circles. I would simply adopt again.
(but I might do a little nip nip tuck tuck)


Anonymous said...

Maybe we will win the lottery together!
Love you,

Jen Stevens said...

I am so with you on the "if I had a million dollars". I'd adopt again, and again, and maybe again.
Who knew when the whole adoption journey began it would be THIS amazing and change our lives in such immeasureable and remarkable ways.

Tina in CT said...

One day when Anna is an adult and becoming a mom, she will cherish your posting from today.

Christine said...

You are a wonderful and loving person. Who knows-- you may be a Mommy to another child semeday. :)

Laura said...

My heart goes out to you. We just got home with our little DD 4 months ago and we would love to go back for another child -- just can't afford it and at this rate, never will. I accept the fact (although we're hoping for a lottery win, too!!) and know that we are truly blessed.

Congrats on the 5 years...incredibly how you can remember like yesterday, eh??

Laura :)

Calico Sky said...

It is so hard isn't it? I have had failed adoptions which took every last penny and now I'm starting again (moving home from Europe) and hoping 3rd time lucky. I have no clue how I will afford it, if I stop to think about it I find it scary. I'm moving to Canada so there are no SN grants/lists etc so there aren't many other options either. But I am trusting somehow I'll make it work!

I always think about treasures in Heaven instead of treausres on earth. You have two very sweet treasures :) I hope that you'll be able to adopt again, maybe in a few years!


Annie said...

I'd go again, too....in a heartbeat.

Sorry, I've missed your posts! Somehow the little "following" mechanism let me down.

I've tried to read a few blogs here and there....