Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Have you ever looked at another family and wondered, "What in the name of our sweet Baby Jesus" are they thinking with all those children? Like for instance, John and Kate? Maybe the Duggar family? And now, I have just read that my blogger friend Christine is adopting again. An older child. Christine is in her mid 30's and she and her hubby already have a gazillion children. If I just think about the logistics of managing a large family, I get a wee bit of a migraine. The extra curricular stuff alone is enough to break the bank, so can you imagine college? I don't judge them for doing it. Really admire this choice. For them. I just imagine ME with that many and have to laugh. I can barely manage
the "Heiress and the Terrorist" (Anna and August). I actually cried this week because I couldn't clean all the rooms of this big ass house in one day. Again, I went from 1K square ft to 2.5K square ft. Yes, it's much more room. BUT much more mess. I want to call Nanny 911 to help me with my girlz. They behave so beautifully when we are out and about. But at home, these girlz can make a mess and then fake exhaustion like no body's business. I will watch them dance and sing on the little stage and then when I tell it's clean up time, they are both in PJ's and on their beds in record time. Yawning even. Stretching and using their sleepy voices to tell me goodnight. Then I look around and see the heaps of clothes, piles of Littlest Pet Shop toys, and the variety of paper cuttings AugustRose has created. And God forbid I toss them, she will walk around with her head tipped into the air screaming "why oh why did you gahbage my pichas?" When I am faced with this mess, I get teary eyed. Not just because of the mess, but because I know my mother, picture the mother from Terms of Endearment, coming over and rolling her eyes at the mess and starting her deep sighs. Lord I loathe the deep sighs. I have heard them since I was making the mess in my own room as a child. I can still remember my mother threatening me with "gahbaging" the EasyBakeOven and the Light N Brite. My mother kept an immaculate house. So much so, that we were not allowed in many rooms of my house until we were dressed in Church clothes. And we were only required to clean our own rooms. (She wanted everything else done to "white glove" inspection standard.

But messes really mess with my head. And here is some weirdness for you. At one point in my life I decided I would have OCD. Decided. I would only obsess about my house. I would clean it like a crazy person, organizing down to every drawer in the house. I lived in DC on Capitol Hill, and my apartment was not too large, just big enough to clean impulsively. That is when I started buying wooden hangers for all of my clothing and putting everything into little boxes with labels. I also started a very unhealthy habit of cleaning all flat surfaces with bleach. I always knew that I had decided to obsess about my house. I always felt like I could stop and relax at any point. Oddly, this over organization and choice to obsess gave me a sense of order and control. As a resident of the Hill, I had so little control over a lot. Traffic, parking, basic city services, all gave me such irritation. So the house thing gave me comfort.

When Anna came home, I was in the suburbs in a small townhouse, and I eased into a more normal approach to cleaning. I could easily straighten up her messes when she went to sleep. I could manage ALL the laundry on the weekend. And yes, my girlz do have color coded hangers. That just makes good sense. I stopped bleaching and began to use wet wipes to wipe down everything standing still.

But now everything is different. I am much more tired. Oddly tired. When I get home from work, I honestly want to get into the bath and crawl into bed. I am that tired.

The weekends are filled with activities that we do together and usually away from the house so I don't get a whole lot finished.

And the Terorista (august) is an epic mess maker. She uses scissors and cuts little creations in every room of the house. She saves everything. Like our Christmas cards. She took all of them down and packed them into her little back pack. So every few days she pulls them all out and reads them aloud. And then leaves them where they are. Then I pick them up, threaten to "gahbage" them, she cries, then I force her to put them back into her back pack. Rinse and repeat.

I know that I could do better. I wish I had more energy. There is always a mountain of mess growing behind me. And it is just me. My mom is so helpful with the cleaning. But sometimes, I just want to be alone for a bit. Just a couple of hours. I have not had a minute alone to relax and just regroup in a long time. I miss that. I am always "on." I know that my situation is not special, and that most people go through this.

So today, I wonder if my mom is right in thinking that my house should always be in white glove inspection mode or should I spend my free time enjoying my girlz? Or is there a way to meet somewhere in the middle. Oh and for those who think I should get a maid...It's not in the budget.

Hangers cost a lot of money.

and as a follow up to my week from hell with the girlz a couple of weeks ago, we are pretty much back on track. they haven't completly stopped arguing and tattling, but they don't want ME involved in their problem so they whisper their complaints. and this makes me happy...
and today we are home. My delicious principal let/encouraged us to use our teacher work day, to work from home. She's a gem like that. She knows we have lives that we need to take care of, and wants us to get a day or two every quarter to be away from the school. Anna is at school, and I got the pleasure of taking her to her bus stop. Seems silly, but I would LOVE to be able to do this everyday. You know, send my girl off into the world with a hug and some lovin'.
And the Terrorista went to my moms so I could do my report cards. She stayed an hour then she called me and said, "Mommy, I want to come home to be with you." We are snuggled up in bed together right now. She is keeps pinching and squeezing me all over, and says, "I just love you momma." How amazing is that. When I went and picked her up my mom said, she is really turned the corner...She is in love with her momma." (Her attatchment has not been at issue for a long time, but we keep seeing her make more and more progress in this area...) And me too. Everytime she pinches me, (in a soft sort of way) I want to eat this kid up. I used to kiss Anna all over her face and she would giiigggglle, but only recently has the Terrorista started doing it back to me..
So we are having a good little love day.

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