Saturday, February 27, 2010


AugustRose sleeps with me every night. Anna did it til THE night before kindergarten, so for us, it's the way we grow up. When we are in the bed, AugustRose plays with my hair, rolls it in crayons, brushes it with doll brushes, which hurts like crazy, and uses any sort of toy as a kind of roller..Somehow it relaxes me. I say things like, "stop banging my head with the fingernail polish." "Ouuuuccch, don't draw on my head!" But most of the time she is gentle.
Both of my girlz have tickle my eyelashes. With their tiny little digits, they stroke the top of my eyes as I fall asleep. They fall asleep too.

AugustRose doesn't make a proper pucker face. When she kisses, she pokes her bottom lip out...And hummms as if asking for a kiss with no words.
Anna, loves her own bed. She doesn't want to sleep with her sister anymore. The baby wiggles too much.

My children fill my bucket like no one else ever could. Ever. We spend our Saturdays alone most of the time. Just us. Doing nothing really. They play in my room, their rooms, the bathroom. I listen. We nap and usually do take out to eat. They don't call it lazy Saturday for nothing.

I am realizing as time goes on, that I cannot stay at my job for 8 more years after this one. * 8 more years is the magic number of years required to be fully vested in our retirement program. It's time to make a change, or take a time out. I have two teammates, and one is preggars. The other one is trying. I hope one of them makes the decision to leave first. I love them so much and I can't be the first one to say goodbye, even if it was to a job just down the road. My assistant is leaving next year. I don't know how I will work without her. She takes care of all forms, money, and notes. I am terrible at that. To clarify, I am great with Parent communication, but peer to peer communication, especially when I resent it, is my weak spot. I am leaning towards using my surgery as the excuse for everything I do in error for the rest of the year. I dread next year already. Not a good sign. So I am going to live it up this summer. It always refreshes me.
This isn't about wanting to go to Russia. It's more about feeling the winds of change coming at my school. I have outlasted 2 other principals, and 1 other assistant principal. But, I don't have it in me to fight the good fight anymore. I just want to teach and go home. All the other bull that comes along with teaching, can really kill the joy.
I am in a great place though. I am so confident that good things are coming our way. I can feel it..
I should play the lottery. I did a few months ago, and I am still mad that I wasted that dollar.
Hmm. Maybe not.


Wife to the Rockstar said...

This post is so sweet. I have two from Russia also!

Tina in CT said...

I had a lazy Saturday too. Never dressed or left the house. Talked to friends and read magazines this morning while still in bed. Love mornings like that. This afternoon and early evening, I worked on cat scrapbooks for my granddaughters. I've had the Olympics on all day.

kate said...

I hear you! I'm at the place where I just want to teach and go home, too. And, my school is great! It's just not where I want to be any more.

I taught seven years, then went to drama school and acted for five and only came back to the classroom to bring Lexi home. I've been back six years now...seems like I'm on track for another true sabbatical! The problem is, I have a little person now. I can scrabble and starve when it's just me. But now...that's why I'm back teaching. I like it--it's just not even close to being my all.

I just want to be a stay-at-home mom. Hmmm...maybe I should send you a dollar for the lottery.

Eight more years...I don't know if I could do it. BUT your pay-off after those eight years would be great. What sort of penalty are you looking at if you leave early? Can you submit unused sick days, buy extra years, etc.?

Annie said...

Oh....I know the misery of having everything change around you.... I lost my wonderful building, my two fantastic assistants, all my colleagues, my pastor. Even the principal is gone, which wouldn't be too awful, except now my office is in the school and the new principal is not only scary; he seems to have a sort of chip on his shoulder regarding me.

Because I don't have any help, but do have more classes, the hours in a week are no longer sufficient to get everything done. I have to work all day most Saturdays.... Yesterday it was from after Zhen's basketball game - 10 a.m. until 10 p.m. at night. No breaks....except the trip to the store for some materials.

Today I left the house before everyone was up, and I won't be home tonight until 7 or so.

Occasionally, I'll look at how quickly my dear sweeties are growing and I can't bear this....having to be away from them so much.

Every night I curse the teachers who give homework that causes us to spend the few precious hours we have together being testy, frustrated and unhappy. Apart from cooking a meal, doing laundry and doing the basics - yes - "homework" time is the only time we have together.

I'd like to write this as a post, but don't dare lest someone in the parish read it and see me as ungrateful.

You say your girls "fill my bucket." Oh, so true! Can you see I haven't gotten my bucket filled lately?