Thursday, March 04, 2010

Honest Scrap

I too love it when I am given a task to write about. I take it more seriously, and I don't just wing it as I go..This was Annie's task for me..
Content: Ten things that no one or only a few people know about..
Send to: 7 Friends

So if I may, I will share with you. But as I do, you’ll have to promise me that you won’t judge. I may not be anywhere near perfect, and I don't try to be. BUT, I do try to do the right thing everyday. Even when it’s hard.
So Here We Go:
I’ll start with the little tidbit that still irritates my parents, but was no surprise to any of my friends. I was kicked out of college. Yep. After a super successful run throughout high school, I left my parents home and realized that college was way more fun with cigarettes and beer. And boy oh boy did I partake! I can’t say that my college wasn’t patient. They gave me several chances, but try as they may, I still continued to party and blow off class. After two years, my parents were called to uninvited me to the party!! My mother sent me up to the school on one break to pack my room alone. There was no one on campus and looking around, I knew I had blown the biggest opportunity I had been given up to that point. After that, I went to a Teacher’s College in Ft Lauderdale and lived with my mother. No more partying. At that point, I just wanted to be finished and be on my own.

Another unknown to most people who read this blog is that I don’t fight fair. In cases of serious Heart Matters, I can cut deep. And I have. Nothing I am proud of, and since my girlz came into my life, I haven’t had to stoop this low, but I look back on some of the scrimmages I have been involved in, mainly the last one that involved my adoption agency, and sort of cringe. But, there was a child involved. I had to stand up. I was prepared for giving it all.

Going back a hundred years…My favorite childhood memories pretty much all come from the time I lived on a chicken farm. We lived there when we had record cold winters in northern Florida, and it actually snowed. (Not good for small birds) I can remember laying down in the chick houses, and thousands of baby chicks would surround me like a pale yellow blanket. My sister got a couple of motor/dirt bikes and I got my horse Dinky.
I hand raised a steer, bottle feeding every day. He and I were tight. We had a pretty large pig operation, and boarded a couple of horses.

Another one that still irritates my parents, My sister is a lesbian. Doesn’t really bother me one way or the other. When you grow up playing Donny and Marie, and your sister demands that you allow her to play Donny, it’s not really surprising. She and I dealt with that a loooonggg time ago. It may seem weird that I go to Church and all, but at my Church, they have taught/preached that you are not to judge others. So I don’t. It’s funny, because I believe the Bible. I do. But I love my sister, and somehow we make it work. And my sister has been to my Church a lot. No one there judges. It’s a hippy crowd. God is proud of that.

I never mark “divorced” on forms. I mark single. Maybe it is a little bit of a lie, but also true. Since I am single. I have pretty much been able to rewrite history to eliminate my marriage from my life. Shady? Not really. Was my marriage shady? Sure.

I have been blessed to travel. Bahamas and Mexico as a kid, all over Europe in high school. Malaysia, China, Hong Kong, Singapore as a 20something, and of coarse Russia as a real grown-up. I have loved everywhere I have ever traveled.
But as far as I am concerned, the most magical is wait…..for……it…….Orlando. Ok, I am kidding. But Disney World is pretty magical.
There are a few places I still want to go. I would love to spend at least one Christmas in Greenland. And at least one spring in Holland. I would love take an entire summer splitting my time between Greece and Italy. (in this current economy, we are settling on the magic of Orlando and some dinners at Olive Garden and a Greek salad)

From this point on, (if you are still reading) everything stems from the affects that my adoptions had on my life. You’d sort of had to have adopted to really get it

I am more interested in Russian History than American History
. If I had my way, I would design a Master’s Degree in Russian History with an emphasis on post Soviet Government Affairs. I am most interested in the years just before and just after the fall of the USSR. I have read the Oligarchs twice. I wish there were more like that one.

I was forced to lie during my adoption process. And by forced, I mean, it was the easy way out. I had lost a referral due to timing and had waited for over a year to complete my second adoption. I had an almost complete dossier when I lost that original referral. So, it was time to update everything, since there was a referral for AugustRose. I had a second home study since I moved, I revised, amended, re-Apostilled, and FedEx’d like crazy. And then it happened. I had been told on my first trip to meet August that there were only a few documents left for me to be court ready, and that the coordinator wanted them sent to her within days of me returning home. She knew that the judge would be leaving for a vacation and wanted everything ASAP. She gave me the list. The first on the list was my CPA’s license. I wasn’t asked for this during Anna’s adoption. My CPA is a friend from Church and I emailed her from the lobby of my Russian hotel. During the time she completed my financials for Anna and the time she completed the financials for AugustRose, she let her license lapse. She was at home with her kids and not working. But I never thought to ask her if she had one anymore. I had never asked her for one in the first place. When I got home I read her email that her license hadn’t been renewed.
My head nearly exploded. I went into “Ok, what the hell is next?” mode…Within minutes I had her license number from the state. Minutes later, I had a jpeg image of what a license looks like. Within hours of being home, I had a license if it was still current. Allegedly!
For effect, I faxed it to myself, and then made a copy of it. Everything about the whole thing was kept a secret. NO one, and I mean not even my CPA knew. I later told her, and she laughed and told me she could have given me the original and it would have been easier to cut and paste with that in hand. Allegedly!

But I have a pretty good idea that I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t completely legit.(the info was accurate, and the license was real, only the date was changed) Allegedly!
Because of my stealth ability to work quickly, I was back in Russia in 5 weeks for court. And in a time when everyone around me was waiting out their ten days, mine was waived. No bullying there, that was just a good coordinator working her magic!

I was in Russia 4 times. Heard a lot of stories. And stalked just enough Russians who allegedly bullied their way through the process. I am not just a teacher, I am an international private eye on the side. And its been crazy easy to find out stuff when you have Facebook friends who share wayyy to much. Especially when they have no idea they are telling on themselves.
(That was the biggest confession, the part where I hope you won’t judge. If I knew then, how awesome my girlz would become, I would probably have kidnapped them both on the first trip) It was all about the love!

I haven’t done a birth family search. And unless Anna or AugustRose wants it, I won’t ever do it. Secretly, I don’t want either one of them to. I am not sure how it would change my girlz’ hearts and souls. And anything that might hurt my girlz makes me want to go to that “ fighting unfair like a raging momma tiger” thing. I hardly ever think that my girlz were in someone else’s tummy. I think I must think they were delivered by the baby fairy. Or that these two souls were always with me, just waiting to appear when I was ready to surrender to the absolute and complete love that comes from a child..

Please don’t judge on this one. Because in reality, I don’t know anyone who has disrupted, not personally. The sentiment comes purely from the way I feel about my own children, therefore it doesn’t exactly translate. The thought of being without my girlz, uggg never mind that thought. BUT. I think people who disrupt their adoptions did the wrong thing. Please know that if you did, I am not directing this at you. I know adopting an older child is different than a baby. Mine were babies. But I made that choice. And so did the families who adopted older children and then gave them away. Can you imagine what goes through a child’s head? Again, ugg, I can’t think about it. I almost think those “given away” children would have been better off back in the orphanage. At least they didn’t have the additional scar of being given up twice.

So that’s my ten simple truths. All wrapped up in a few rambling run on set of sentences that may or may not be complete.

Friends I would love to hear from....

1 Missi
2. Jen
3. Stacey
4. Tina
5. Kandee


Tina in CT said...

We both did our blogs at the same time and asked each other to list their 10 items.

Go check mine out.

Your blog is so great. Mine is drab in comparison.

I would have done the same thing with the paperwork if I'd been in your situation.

Jojo, Julz, Julianne said...


kate said...

So now we know all? ;>

I want to do Christmas in Lapland...maybe next year...

Annie said...

Wow...I want to respond to almost all of these....I mean really CHAT about them. But, for now, it's late and I'll just say that I KNOW I fudged something on our adoption; actually I think someone in Moscow did, but I can't think what it was anymore. Something like what you did. Didn't bother me any. Neither does yours. In fact, in our region we didn't need anything from a CPA; though we did need an official description of our house by an architect! (Weird because it was perfectly fine to adopt if you live in an apartment!)

I have fudged Zhen's birth certificate, however. We'd randomly requested a second child from 7-9 only because Sergei was 10. We were told that Zhenya was 6. But his age came up between the director and the facilitator and someone said "six" and Zhen piped up "I'm five". Well, knowing Russian I understood him, and I could see a glance go between them. I think they fibbed about his age so we would take him - all the while, we didn't care a whit. The doctor here did a bone scan and talked to him and agreed that he was five, but his birth certificate said six. I have a doctor's letter and was supposed to go get a "certificate of delayed birth" or whatever it is called. When I found out it was $200 I kept putting it off....and because I didn't want him in the wrong grade - well, I just fudged a nice "photocopy" of his birth certificate.

I REALLY need to get this fixed. It will be a problem when he becomes a basketball phenom.

Stacey said...

thanks Jules... Oh Lord do I wish we could allegedly jpeg this form... but it's the court application document and there is no way around it. It needs stamps and seals and hairy eyeballs here in Canada at the Russian consulate. DHL better not fail me now - they owe me one really. Your stories always make me smile :) My shower it tomorrow and I have a sneaking suspicion that you would be a great addition to the after party lol. I am glad to hear you dropped an F bomb on your agency back in the day... I'm right on the verge. Came absolutely UNGLUED earlier this week about yet another issue and I am pretty sure that's about as close to my pure wrath as she wants to get. This one they know think it's their fault and they are defending until the end and I keep saying that I don't care whose fault it is I am more interested in how everyone picks up the pieces. I could use some prayers... lots of them... so maybe on Sunday you could call in your little troops to pray that my little man gets a mama for his birthday this year??? Yeah... that'd be good. thanks for the perpetual shoulder :)
Love Canada (P.S. the security word I just typed below is scorne... bad spelling but funny)

Christine said...

Wow-- you've kept it real all right. :) Have a great day.

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