Friday, September 10, 2010

It's A No...



Now I know.
I can’t go to St. Petersburg to teach. It was handled with care, but AAS simply cannot afford to pay for both of my girlz to attend gratis. All I can say is that I was being serious when I said, “There is no Plan B…”


I am going to lay low for a while on my blog..I don’t feel like sharing anything lately. It’s all boring, and negative around here…

My heart is broken that I can’t give my girlz the experiences I wanted to. That we can’t be together at school. That I can’t give them their heritage back. That I can’t strategically place them among other children who are going places..That we can’t go on this type of magical mystery trip together. That I can’t show them by doing..It’s so much more than just a job. There is something deep within that pulls me there. I guess you’d have to know my history, and how Russia changed my life in the most amazingly delightful ways to understand…


I honestly don’t know where to go from here. I am paralyzed/
I never felt like I had too much. But I guess I do.

7 comments:

Kel said...

From the very little that I have read: Julianne you show and teach your girls every single day by "doing"! What you have done and accomplished is more "doing" than many do in a lifetime. You are a fantastic Mom and role model for your daughters. Don't second guess your choices or the outcome of anything beyond your control. If I can deduce this from a bit of FB here and there and your blog - Imagine! What others see in you. Smile for everyday you have here with these two beautiful babies. You are alive & full of love. This is a setback to what you had planned, but it will pass. Your cup is still half full! XOXO

Sherrie said...

Jules...you can and do give your girls these magical journeys every day. You are a great mom! I know there is a reason God did not open this door for you. We may never know what it is but there is, of that I am sure. You brought them to a better life and your love and your love of adventure is all they need. If you let yourself slip into a "blue funk" over this then you are all missing out on precious time you cannot get back. Dust off for you have many adventures ahead. You can teach them about their heritage here while also enjoying the luxuries that you guys may not have had over there. I love you and hope you cheer up soon. Your girls need their cheerful, playful, happy mommy! Girls just wanna have fun....
Sherrie

Hevel said...

I'm sorry to hear this, I know how very important it is for you. I pray a door will open.

You are a wonderful mother and a great role model for both your daughters and your pupils, from what shines through on your blog!

Annie said...

This is why you are I are soulmates. I understand absolutely and completely how you feel. I'm sick in the pit of my stomach at your disappointment. I just wonder if there isn't another way....

And though I too, try to give my kids "magical journeys" and "cultural heritage" every day - it is NOT the same. I was changed by Russia, too. I love the soul of the place, and don't care about the "bad stuff".... I'm sure there are all sorts of annoyances right and left, but I experience those here, too - without being in RUSSIA!!!

Now, with four, I could never even hope to do what you'd dreamed of doing. I thought maybe I'd put them in Russian schools.... Or, work something out with a ACS (Association of Christian Schools) school - after-school tutoring to pay for their tuition, or evening tutoring to pay their tuition...something.

Lately, I'm dreaming of a summer sort of thing. Volunteering to teach English in exchange for room and board.

Dreaming, dreaming...

And, as far as luxuries go. Being in Russia made me really think again about these luxuries we have; so often they are simply unnecessary burdens. I actually don't WANT SO MUCH....but in the "land of excess" it is hard to make your child the one "without" - lots of clothes, the i-pod, the computer, their own phone, etc., etc., etc.

Julianne... there has to be a way. If not for me, at least for you. DO NOT GIVE UP - those are not the only English speaking schools there. And - how about Moscow?

kate said...

So sorry, Julianne.

I've been told that it will be MUCH harder for me to find a job in the international world now that I have a dependent. I can only imagine how much harder that would be with two.

Let me know if I can help!

Christine said...

I can feel your pain. My dream has ben to live over in Ukraine doing whatever it is that will get us over there. The door seems to be shut for us too and it is hard to accept. I hope that another door opens for you-- you never know.

katbat said...

So sorry for your disappointment - sorry I am late - just catching up on my blog reading - have you looked at expat.ru? they have job listings - some preschools are looking for english speaking teachers - I know doesnt help with tuition for your 2 girls . . . .the american embassy is hiring a preschool director (again, doesnt help with the tuition issues). Have you looked at atlantic international school - they are a new international school, and I think they are hiring? they are in the south part of moscow.