I listened to this song on the way home yesterday. And then when I got home, I listened again. And then I cried. Cried my eyes out. So much to be thankful for but for right now, I am feeling really sorry for myself. Seems like I can't get anything together in my life. Seems like I am not where I want to be in life. And lately, it makes me cry. Do I miss being loved? Could be. Maybe I miss being excited. I know I miss being able to get lost on any given day.
I have always done things on my own, and I have lots of help. Maybe I don't feel in control. The whole "too many chiefs theory?"
It's Saturday and I had to go stand in line for 3 hours to ballet recital tickets. I am still sick. And I am anxious. My face has gone numb again, and my joints ache.
I am feeling a bit disenchanted at Church lately. I know our job is to welcome newcomers, but sometimes the regulars need a little love..I know that sounds very unChristian, but it is my truth. I am stretched thin and haven't been to Adult Church more than twice in the past couple of months...I can feel that my soul is not being fed. I used to go to small group, but one more night out is more than I can handle..Honestly, I am too tired to go out at 7 and come home at 9...People forget that teaching 5 year olds is not the same as sitting at a desk. I am always ON..Now downtime. I haven't had a lunch that lasted more than 20 minutes, in well, 20 years...
OK. I have whined enough. It is getting dark outside and once again, I am feeling teary eyed..