|Some NYC cuteness....|
I won't go into specifics, (Okay I will just not yet) but needless to say, that when you make it about my kiddos, it's over.
So yesterday I realized that no matter what I do, my Sundays won't ever be like they were. Cause I just can't
|NYC at the Macy's Parade|
Ok, so back to now. Back to why I am a 12 year old today.
As we are all aware, it's Christmas Time. And with that comes a Christmas Eve service for adults and children. Last year my girlz were asked to participate in the children's service. When I happily agreed, I assumed most families were asked. At the first practice I realized it was a select few. We were "chosen." There were several practices and as a teacher, I was active in managing movement, assisting with songs, etc...I was so busy with it, but I realized and was proud that we were a chosen family. I took it as a nod for being a constant teacher at KidsTime, and a nod to my girlz for being well mannered. It was a blast last year and my girlz were tickled to be on stage and among the cast of the show.. So I hadn't heard what would be the plan for this year. It just days away from the service and nothing.
So yesterday in the middle of the KidsTime lesson, the leader says, "and some of our kids are going to be in the show on Christmas Eve. Raise your hands if you have been CHOSEN." HOLY KRAP... obviously my family missed out on being chosen...I was furious. After showing up for OPP for years, my family was no longer in the chosen group..No I don't lead the group service in KidsTime, I am just a teacher. But that is the one spot where the need is greatest..No, I don't volunteer to teach at all the services, but I am ONE person..
During song time, I hid my fury and asked the leader what was going on. She shared that an email was sent out asking for names. Ok, I am there teaching all the time. Why didn't I get the email? If it was sent to the whole group leaders then that would be typical..Ask the ones who aren't actually in the classes..Ask the ones who get the glory..Anyway, of everyone who got the email, no one thought to ask the family who helped so much last year? No one thought to ask a TEACHER who knows how to manage children? And the kicker, no one thought to ask the 2 little girls who are the kindest most easy to manage? So on the way home, I got to explain to them why they were not asked to be in the service, "I guess they wanted to give other children a chance" I told them..(Yeah right, I saw the kids whose hands went up..)
So, just like a 12 year old, I am taking my toys and going home. Times change and I have felt the change for years. I have spoken on the phone less than 10 times to friends from Church in 3 years.
Because I am single, I don't really fit in with the marrieds, because I have children I don't really fit into the singles. The direction of the Church as a whole is clear to some, but because I am upstairs with the children, I often have no idea what is going on. And this devastates me. Church used to be where All of my friends were. For example on Sunday, I left and 2 of my small group didn't even acknowledge me..Or my girlz.
There are so many new people at our Church and I feel like an outsider while there. It seems that the focus has been on the new families, and some of us are left on our own. So many things require the one thing I am short on, time. Today I told my girlz that we won't be going to the Christmas Eve service. I can't be there and watch children perform and none of them live in my house. (This is where you say I am acting like a 12 year old)
|NYC after the parade...|