Monday, December 19, 2011

"Yes, I am a 12 year old.."

Ya know when something happens and it irritates you. You let it roll off your back and sort of move on. At those times, it doesn't feel personal.  You don't forget, but you don't let it sink in to your soul and really bother you.. It doesn't make you question decisions or
people, today aint that day.
Today, the "thing" that has irritated me is one of those that makes me go...Are you effing kidding me?" "After all I have done..."

Some NYC cuteness....

And yes, my response will make you ask yourself, "What is she 12?"  and as the title of this indicates, Yes..There are times when I am just that. 12

I won't go into specifics, (Okay I will just not yet) but needless to say, that when you make it about my kiddos, it's over.
Remember, I am still pissed at some for NOT showing up at the airport to welcome AugustRose home. Of course Missi was there. Why wouldn't she be? We are real friends. It's deep and that's what friends do. We were hours late, and she had driven up to DC to meet us, and then waited for us...Waited, and waited...I love her for that..
She showered Auggie with gifts before and after her arrival. She called and checked on us, and of course gave crucial advice. My Florida BFF was so concerned about our transition that she and her daughter got on a plane 1 day after Christmas and came to stay with me.Lee, I won't ever forget that. It's what people who love you do. (My family was there for me, and I don't lessen their invaluable help. There is no GreenGirlz without my mom, dad, and sis..) But this is about friendships that I had grown to value, and am saddened to learn they weren't reciprocal.

So yesterday I realized that no matter what I do, my Sundays won't ever be like they were. Cause I just can't

My Church has moved onto a place of family focused fellowship. And when I say family focused, I mean a mom, dad, and 2.5 children. What used to feel welcoming and warm to me, now leaves this "singletonwithchildren" out of the loop. Many things are geared to be inclusive, but without a group or a at least a friend or two, I feel awkward attending anything other than Sunday school for the girlz.  I cannot go to small group, because I am simply too worn out on Thursday nights at 6.30-9.00 pm. There is no childcare and quite honestly most people don't get how my job is different than other types of jobs. My job not only physically wears me out, but emotionally, it drains me to the point of tears almost daily. Not only that, but I have school work to do each night. Oh, and let me throw in the 2 graduate courses I am taking. (So when I hear people say, "It's only 2 nights a month." I want to rip my ears off my head..

NYC at the Macy's Parade

My need to be spiritually fed is not met because I am teaching Sunday school all the time.
I tried to take myself off the schedule but was put on again. I have been teaching since 6 months after I joined the Church. Long before I had children of my own. We have 3 services..And a million children, but the tiniest percentage of parents help out as our membership requires..So like with so many other organizational requirements, "It's Important til It's Not." It has been asked that parents volunteer, but somehow I am teaching more. Which means I don't go to service. Parents show up at the door with coffee in their hand, and I want to say, "Don't you realize we are all waiting for you?" I have to leave my own daughter in her class while parents mosey up to get their kids..and let me throw in, most of these parents DO NOT volunteer in KidsTime..My though is, if you have a child in the program, you should be serving. But no. And it doesn't seem to bother anyone but me.  I could stay for the second service and put my kids in the VIP Lounge, but again..After teaching, I am ready to get the heck outta dodge and decompress. Only hours from that point I have to spend the entire day with OPP at my real job. So I leave. I come home, stare at my messy house, and stare some more.

Ok, so back to now. Back to why I am a 12 year old today.
As we are all aware, it's Christmas Time. And with that comes a Christmas Eve service for adults and children. Last year my girlz were asked to participate in the children's service. When I happily agreed, I assumed most families were asked. At the first practice I realized it was a select few. We were "chosen." There were several practices and as a teacher, I was active in managing movement, assisting with songs, etc...I was so busy with it, but I realized and was proud that we were a chosen family. I took it as a nod for being a constant teacher at KidsTime, and a nod to my girlz for being well mannered. It was a blast last year and my girlz were tickled to be on stage and among the cast of the show.. So I hadn't heard what would be the plan for this year. It just days away from the service and nothing.
So yesterday in the middle of the KidsTime lesson, the leader says, "and some of our kids are going to be in the show on Christmas Eve. Raise your hands if you have been CHOSEN." HOLY KRAP... obviously my family missed out on being chosen...I was furious. After showing up for OPP for years, my family was no longer in the chosen group..No I don't lead the group service in KidsTime, I am just a teacher. But that is the one spot where the need is greatest..No, I don't volunteer to teach at all the services, but I am ONE person..
During song time, I hid my fury and asked the leader what was going on. She shared that an email was sent out asking for names. Ok, I am there teaching all the time. Why didn't I get the email? If it was sent to the whole group leaders then that would be typical..Ask the ones who aren't actually in the classes..Ask the ones who get the glory..Anyway, of everyone who  got the email, no one thought to ask the family who helped so much last year? No one thought to ask a TEACHER who knows how to manage children? And the kicker, no one thought to ask the 2 little girls who are the kindest most easy to manage?  So on the way home, I got to explain to them why they were not asked to be in the service, "I guess they wanted to give other children a chance" I told them..(Yeah right, I saw the kids whose hands went up..)

So, just like a 12 year old, I am taking my toys and going home. Times change and I have felt the change for years. I have spoken on the phone less than 10 times to friends from Church in 3 years.
Because I am single, I don't really fit in with the marrieds, because I have children I don't really fit into the singles. The direction of the Church as a whole is clear to some, but because I am upstairs with the children, I often have no idea what is going on. And this devastates me. Church used to be where All of my friends were. For example on Sunday, I left and 2 of my small group didn't even acknowledge me..Or my girlz.
There are so many new people at our Church and I feel like an outsider while there. It seems that the focus has been on the new families, and some of us are left on our own. So many things require the one thing I am short on, time. Today  I told my girlz that we won't be going to the Christmas Eve service. I can't be there and watch children perform and none of them live in my house. (This is where you say I am acting like a 12 year old)

It's funny the things that hurt us..

Marriott Loveliness

What's not funny is when my littles get hurt..And that won't happen twice.
NYC after the parade...

I have decided that we will go to the Gaylord Hotel and have dinner on Christmas Eve. The girlz were bummed to miss Church, but they would be even more bummed if they saw some friends on the stage knowing they were left out..
I can't wait for the next 3 days to be over. My dad is here for a few weeks, and we will enjoy this holiday like crazy. The girlz have some really cool treats going under the tree! Hint Hint, pretty much all of their presents are for outdoor play. They are such yard dogs and need a couple of things to make their outdoor adventures a bit more fun!

It's ok if you think I am acting like a 12 year old..Sometimes I feel like a 12 year old..


Tina in CT said...

I think you need to leave that church and find a new one ASAP.

Jojo, Julz, Julianne said...

I hear you. I just don't know how to do that without my girlz being hurt.
I just don't see how people don't see that having a lil click of CHOSEN people isn't hurtful...
I got your Christmas card@@ so cute@ (My girls want a doggie@@

Anonymous said...

Try looking up very welcoming church community fo everyone.

Annie said...

Part One: Friends. Not everyone feels comfortable with the same things, and maybe we all try to show others the sort of love and attention that WE would like if we were in their place. So, I might not be your friend if I knew you, because really - if someone met US at the airport coming home from Russia....not the person scheduled to pick us up (knowing we'd be exhausted and crabby and NOT wanting to talk)...well, I'd have to have de-friended them immediately. Well, no. But they might have de-friended me when, instead of being happy, I burst into tears. That would have been TOO MUCH attention for me. And, I kind-of wanted people to leave us alone until we contacted THEM. It was like we were on honeymoon. So....maybe this person is just less forthcoming than you are, and has missed the cues, telling them what would make YOU feel loved.

I am NOT impressed with your church! As you know, I am in charge of Children's Ministry at our parish, and never, under any circumstances would I "assign" people to this job! Let alone people who have asked to be relieved of it! People working with children, need to be CALLED to it, and ENTHUSIASTIC. I really think that the BEST Sunday School teachers are often NOT the parents, let alone those who teach during the week (who'd be great, but need a break). It is the at-home moms, or retired folks, or college students who see teaching Sunday School as a real joy, and a delightful break from their ordinary schedule.

Secondly, anyone who did not attend Mass (worship) would be crossed off the list immediately. Now, I know Catholics are more "rigid" about Mass attendance than other Christians are about attending worship, but how can you give what you do not receive? Adults need to be fed spiritually before they can give energetically to a class. So, something needs to be changed! Schedule, something! That's crazy!

And, as far as the program goes. That is beyond belief! Unless the intention is to hurt feelings and offend people, that is the dumbest way to put together a program! "Chosen" Give me a break! Was the GOAL to hurt people's feelings?? Could hardly choose a better way! Here, it would be a general call for ANYONE wanting to be involved, or, EVERYONE in the "Girls' Club" or whatever small group, might be involved (with everyone knowing ahead of time that this is a mission of the Girls' Club)...and if someone asked to be a part of something....even last minute - a part of it, they would be! THAT is the point!!!!

Sounds like the leadership is lacking in some basic knowledge of how to work with children and families.....seems to me.....

Every church has something special on Christmas Eve. Look at the ads in the paper, pick a church randomly and go! It would be fun!

(I have to laugh because the word verification is: pityp :) pity party?

Annie said...

Did you worry yourself sick? What is going on with the hospital bracelet?

Tina in CT said...

I would just come out and tell the church organizer that you and the girls are church shopping and no longer will be attending. If they persisted, I'd just politely say it is your decision and end of discussion. You need to do what is best for YOU and your DAUGHTERS and that's my advise. Of course, this is from a non-church goer. But, it would apply to any group/organization.

Tina in CT said...

P.S. I thought people went to church to be part of a spiritual family and to be uplifted. This congregation you belong to is closed and sounds like a click. To exclude little girls - horrible.

Hevel Cohen said...

I think it's time you find your new spiritual home. And probably you want to skip, as a single mother with two kids you'd be treated as second class at best, because OMH, there is no priesthood holder in your family.

I never understood why there were no family services at most churches. You need one that has them, it sounds, so you can both participate and then serve! You need need to be fed and taken care of yourself!

Also the program... Oh my.

Laurie (& Tennah) said...


First, always remember... YOU are the CONSTANT in your children's lives, not a church. You're a wonderful, loving mother and nothing you ever do "for the best interest of your children" will be hurtful to them!! As long as you're happy and showering them with lovin', like I know you do, they're gonna be just fine :) You can go to any church in this country but the home is the most important place where God resides!!